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Do you give yourself permission to be yourself?

By March 27, 2014 Love Yourself, Mindset No Comments

This week I took part in a fascinating group discussion about, amongst other things, the pressure we put ourselves under to be something we are, at heart, not.

We think we’re in control as adults, but are we really?  How often do you find yourself tidying up your home before a friend drops round?  Or speaking in a certain way to particular people on the phone?  (I call the children’s school – and posh voice ensues.  Where does that come from??!).

How often do you find yourself saying “I must do this…or do that…or be like this…” because that’s what we think people expect of us?  Or we can hear our mum saying over our shoulder “Make sure you make your bed before you go out!”.  I’m not sure my mum really cares any more whether I make our bed in the morning.  But I do it anyway.

The thing is, we are not other people.  We are not our parents.  We are us.  And in being “us”, we have a whole collection of characteristics that make up who we are, which is a different collection of characteristics to everyone else.  And that’s perfectly OK.

The other thing to add in to the mix, is that we have a different “face” depending on who’s looking.  Let me explain.

When you are with your friends, socialising, or just generally out and about, you show a certain set of characteristics.  Your friends would describe you in a certain way.  However, when you’re with your significant other/partner/spouse, they will see a different side of you.  It’s the same you, just a different set of characteristics.  Commanilities, yes; but also fundamental differences.  You could be loud, fiery, sociable and love a good argument with your friends, but perhaps be quieter and wanting peace and harmony when you’re with your partner.  Your partner may not recognise the “friend” you, and vice versa.

Then, when you’re out in your public, business world, you are different again. Your “public”…your business colleagues, customers and suppliers…see a side of you that your friends and partner may not see.  Then when you’re completely on your own, you act in a different way to any of your other “faces”.  You could be ultra-confident, astute, ambitious, a tough negotiator and hard working in your business world, then whilst when you’re on your own, you love nothing better than to bake cakes and potter about in the kitchen.

These four faces are different reflections of you, but they are still “you”.  And learning how you are in the four corners of your world, and then learning to accept those, is a great thing to do for your stress levels.

Understanding and working with these different facets of your personality is likely to bring you balance in your mind: no more internal conflict, or self-imposed expectations (that we think are from someone else); just a simple, peaceful acceptance that you are who you are, wherever you are.

And that is just perfect.

See you next week,

Dedicated to your success,

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